Passive Parenting

The following is from a blog that I follow by James Emery White. I find that his writings are usually right on target. This is one that all parents need to read...

The average child between the age of 8-18 “now spends practically every waking minute – except for the time in school – using a smart phone, computer, television or other electronic device” according to a study that didn’t receive the wide discussion it deserved when released in 2010 by the Kaiser Family Foundation.

Specifically, they spend more than seven and a half hours a day with such devices. And that doesn’t count the 1.5 hours spent texting, or the half-hour they talk on their cell phones.

And because they multi-task (for example, surfing the net while listening to their iPod), they manage cramming nearly 11 hours of media content into that seven and a half hours.

The study also found that heavy media use is associated with behavior problems, poor grades and obesity. According to the study, the “heaviest media users were also more likely to report that they were bored or sad, or that they got into trouble, did not get along well with their parents and were not happy at school.”

Despite the alarming amount of time being spent with media, and the negatives associated with its heavy use, Dr. Michael Rich (a pediatrician at Children’s Hospital Boston who directs the Center on Media and Child Health) said that it was time to stop arguing over whether it was good or bad and accept it as part of children’s environment.

I’m sorry. Excuse me?

Thank goodness for the simple sanity of Victoria Rideout, a Kaiser vice president and lead author of the study, who said that although it has become harder for parents to control what their children do, they can still have an effect.

“They can still make rules and it still makes a difference.”

Precisely.

An increasing number of parents today seem to throw up their hands in defeat in the face of their cultural surroundings as if they are powerless to do anything about their child’s friends, education and use of media.

Let’s call it what it is: passive parenting.

A passive parent is someone who sees what needs to be addressed, sees what needs to be attended, and doesn’t attend to it. “Giving in” and “going along” becomes paramount to their thinking.

“You’re wearing that? Well, I guess everyone is.”

“You want to watch what? Well, if everyone is.”

“You want to do what? Well, if the others are.”

In truth, they are abdicating their role. They are not doing what they are called to do as a parent. The assumption with parenting is simple: your children are immature and need your maturity. Yet some parents are more eager to be liked, or accepted by their kids, than they are to be parents to their kids.

So instead of being active, they’re passive.

Let me state what I hope is obvious: seven and a half hours a day with media is wrong. No parent should allow it. Force them (yes, I said “force”) to read, to use their imagination, to get outside and play with a dog or participate in a sport.

I know, that means becoming an active parent.

But unless I’m mistaken, that’s what parenting is about.

James Emery White


Sources

Tamar Lewin, “Children Awake? Then They’re Probably Online,” The New York Times, Wednesday, January 20, 2010, p. A1 and A3. Greg Toppo, “Kids’ digital day: Almost 8 hours,” USA Today, Wednesday, January 20, 2010, p. 1A.

Matt Richtel, “Growing Up Digital, Wired for Distraction,” The New York Times, Sunday, November 21, 2010, p. A1 and A20.

Editor’s Note

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Meet Tagg Wolverton, our Sr. Youth Pastor & family!

Tagg & Susan; Graeme (10 years old, 5th grade); Olivia (8 years old, 3rd grade); Anna (12 years old, 7th grade); Ben (14 years old, 8th grade).

God has shown tremendous favor to Gateway by sending us Tagg Wolverton as our next Senior Youth Pastor. For the past several months your search team has diligently prayed and sought God’s man for GBC. God’s Spirit made us of one mind, heart and spirit. It was a blessing to me to work with this team: Linda Gee, Kris Corley, Renee Goodman, Larry Wagner, Joel Baker, Nick Stoia, Jeff Douglas and Ronald Flynn.

Tagg and his family will be with us this Sunday and then will begin his new position the week of February 21st. Here are a few facts about Tagg:

Ministry Experience
• Most recently served with Greater Europe Missions in the Netherlands. He was the Youth Ministry Team Leader and directed the Youth Ministry Development.
• Served 11 years at Brookwood Church in Greenville, SC as the Minister to Students. His responsibilities included middle school through college students. The ministry grew from 11 students to over 450 students.
• Served as the Worship Leader and Associate Pastor of Springbrook Baptist Church, Anderson SC.
• Served as the College Minister at First Baptist Church, Arlington, TX.
• Since 2004 has served as a mentor for Purpose Driven Youth Ministry.
• Served on the Programming Staff for Centrifuge Summer Camps.

Education
• Is in the process of finishing his PhD from the Vrije Universiteit, Amsterdam, Netherlands.
• Has both a Masters of Theology and a Research Masters in Theology from Vrije Universiteit.
• Has a Masters of Divinity with Biblical Languages from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, Ft. Worth, TX
• Has a Bachelor of Science from Auburn University, Auburn, AL

Tagg’s interest includes music, fly fishing, reading and snow skiing.

I want to say a big thanks to Dr. David Olshine of CIU for serving as our interim director for our student ministry and as a consultant for our search team.

I also want to give a HUGE – WE ARE INCREDABLY PROUD OF YOU to Amanda Brown, our female youth director. She has been amazing during the interim period. We love you Amanda… you have a special place in our heart! Our students love you!!

Send Tagg and his family a big Gateway welcome email to info@taggwolverton.com